Choice, Ikigai, and the Wolf

Men are overwhelmed by choice, in their pursuit of happiness. 

I don’t want to disrespect anyone stuck in a place seemingly impossible to escape, where choices seem like mirages in the desert, leading you not to an oasis but further into the searing dunes. I can only speak to my experience, and hope that a little insight will lead to a little more appreciation and respect for such a luxury as choice. 

Circumstance aside, the noise that exists today is a problem. The myriad opportunities that exist for men is a problem. We are like dogs on the freeway, beginning to chase a car, only to be distracted by another, and another, until we’re just standing there, barking and whipping our dopey heads back and forth. 

I’ve been that dog. Sometimes I feel myself drifting back out of focus and into this manic state of indecision. There is just so much one can do, but only so much time and energy to spend in one lifetime. 

I guess this is an article about finding your ikigai, which by the way, if you havent read ‘Ikigai: The Japanese Secret to a Long and Happy Life’, by Francesc Miralles and Hector Garcia, I highly recommend it. Plainly said, your ikigai is your reason for being, and the intersecting sweet spot between doing what you love, what you’re good at, what the world needs, and what you can be paid for. Basically, the dream job. Japanese people have followed this culture for generations and while we western dogs are out here salivating over everything shiny that crosses in front of us, there are wolves who live in their purpose everyday with a dedication and joy that can’t be found without focus and discipline. The problem with so much noise in the world, is that it’s so damn hard to find that one thing that you can find contentment doing day in, day out. Needle in a haystack hard, or golden ticket in a world of chocolate bars hard. 

It’s probably easier for some, but I find I want to sample so many different aspects of life that I lose myself in the sampling and never really enjoy the meal. It’s not a way to live. I really believe that a man needs a focus—one thing to dedicate his mind and body to. Why one thing? Because it’s exponentially less effective to focus your energy on more than one thing, and because as a minimalist, I can attest the fact that less means more. 

There’s a fundamental difference between joy and happiness. While happiness is an emotion and dependant on the moment, on circumstance, joy is internally cultivated state of being and remains constant, no matter the circumstance. Look into the worlds of Hinduism, Zen Buddhism, Stoicism, etc and you’ll have endless expansions and digressions on joy and happiness. For me, its really simple—I live with the intention of cultivating joy, but I do it in a way that brings me consistent happiness. We are after all, living on this earth, in this experience or program or whatever life is. So while we work for the true stuff (joy), why not experience as much of the good stuff (happiness) as we can? 

To that end I say, stop sampling—find something you can really dig in to and experience it fully before you decide to move on. Find your damn ikigai, it won’t bring you joy—though it makes it easier to cultivate—but it will bring you happiness and fulfil that need to do. 

If you’re stuck in dog mode, and want to be a wolf, here’s what you need to do: write down five things that you really want to do for work—remember, you have to make money, but you really don’t have to make much to get that happiness buff. Let it be outrageous, let it be small, just don’t overthink it and don’t go over five. Next, straight up eliminate the least attractive two, you should intuitively know what they are without too much thought (you might ask, why even write up five things? Why not just do my top three? Because sometimes stretching your imagination kicks up unexpected things). Now you have three paths ready to be walked in front of you. You can do a pros/cons list if you’re that guy, but to make it real simple, pick the one that scares the shit out of you most, that’s probably the path you really want to take but don’t believe enough in yourself to get after it. That fear is a choice you make every day to keep yourself in the comfort zone. Fuck that fear. Fuck that zone. You can’t lose, you will never go back to square one because you will always learn things along the way that catalyse your evolution—no one who amounted to anything got there without failing more times than the amateur tried. Give yourself a reasonable timeframe for the experiment—anywhere from six months to five years—and dedicate time every single day to action, large or small, toward your goal. That’s it. If you haven’t found equilibrium in your new work by the end of your timeframe then move down your list, or more likely, move parallel to something you discovered outside that soul-destroying zone. You’re a wolf now, you’re more skilled with every hunt, stronger because of your scars, wiser because of your mistakes. 

There are endless possibilities and therefore choices, but if you make each with determination and follow through, you could develop a healthy respect for yourself and new appreciation for your life. The choices that lead to best things in your life are the hardest to make, and the path is the toughest to take, but walk that path and you won’t regret it.

Discipline > motivation, but if you need some of the latter to get you started, read The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho, or Can’t Hurt Me by David Goggins. One’s about choosing to follow your dreams and the other is about overcoming your own bullshit to get after it and unlock your full potential. Alternatively, watch any of the Rocky/Creed movies. Good luck.