Determination, Dreams, and the Dedication to Happiness

Life. It’s hard. There are no respawns, no checkpoints, no quicksaves (for non-gamers, these terms basically mean there are no do-overs). If you mess up, that’s a mark you’ll have on your personal history, forever. Sounds harsher than it really is. Or rather, than it can be.

If you kill someone, that’s going to affect you on a much longer and more intense scale than if you forget to take out the rubbish one night. Between those two extremes is an insane margin for ‘things you fuck up in life’, so maybe the game is about right—life is harsher the greater your fuck ups. I also think that life is gets harder the worse your attitude is, the less generous you are, and probably a thousand other metrics that we rarely (if ever) think of.

Maybe that thought sends you into an hysterical panic attack. If so, follow the logic:

What is the problem? Taking risks in life (also known as living) is terrifying because I could make all these mistakes.

Clarify the problem. I’m afraid to fail/can’t afford to fail.

Can you affect the outcome? Determine what you can do to change the risk of you ‘failing’. If there are things you can do, then stop wasting time fretting. Do them. If there’s nothing you can do…well then, stop wasting time fretting.

Giving up control is hard, but only if you believe you’re in control. When you realise you control only your response to what comes up in life, its easier to not hit the panic button so often.

The only bad option here is to allow your fear to freeze you. That’s slow suicide.

You’re probably thinking, “Goddamn, the title of this article has Dreams and Happiness in it, what’s with all this heavy shit?”

Well it’s relevant because without the determination to go beyond Fear, you can’t make your dreams a reality, and realising your dreams is one of the greatest happinesses you can feel on planet Earth.

Let me paint you a picture. I live with my wife, our seven-month-old girl, and our two- year-old german shepherd, in a 40m2 tiny home we call Tinman. It’s cosy. We’re personally building it even as we’re living in it. My lady is an artist, quite successfully. I’m a writer, and not so successful. Yet.

We both left high-paying businesses that we built up and became disenchanted with (the parallels of our journeys are a topic of another post that will blow your mind) to pursue worthwhile careers.

The point is, we both love what we do now and while raising a teething baby, looking after our dog, building our Tinman, putting in time on some investments and side hustles, staying active and holistically healthy—around all that, we’re both putting our remaining energy into the work that really matters. We’re determined to realising our dreams, and it’s making us very, very happy.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. In fact, raising a child consciously and without compromising on our values would already be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Building a writing career and becoming financially solvent without losing focus on that goal, only a little less difficult. However, just as fatherhood is extraordinarily rewarding, focusing my time and energy into my passion is all that I can conceive of doing now.

Its not even the outcome of long and hard work that has me moving forward, though of course that’s fuel for the fire—its the long and hard work every day that brings me all the joy, because its for me before anyone else. I firmly believe that if you don’t feed yourself you’re no good to the family you want to feed.

This morning I turned down well-paying work trimming horse feet—for cash money. Even though it’s terrible work and I kind of despise it now, part of me still has guilt over turning it down and not fulfilling that ‘provider’ role for my family. But taking that job on would have meant less time working on my real business, less time with the family, less overall energy, and a worse attitude about my life and its direction. Remember what I said about attitude? It has a measurable affect on how difficult life is.

In conclusion, it has been my experience that chasing dreams has little to do with roads paved with rainbows and ubiquitous joy—the process is ruthlessly hard, especially if you have other responsibilities, and you have to give up a lot of your preconceived notions about what’s actually possible for you to achieve.

Believing in yourself is great, working to be a better person is worth it, doing the research and learning the skills for that dream life is both fun and valuable. It’s all necessary in fact, but it’s shit without action— without taking risks and failing, without overcoming and evolving—in pursuit of the good stuff: true happiness and fulfilment.

So get after it! Don’t worry about the small details other people’s opinions and what comforts you won’t be able to afford if you step away from that great paying job you can’t wait to get home from each day. The value in passionate work outweighs many discomforts that come with following the yellow brick road.

Now, if you’re in survival mode, meaning you have no way of leaving the work you do else you or someone dependent on you will starve or be without home, then take care of the necessities, but also make time each day for something that you love. It may be something as simple as growing a plant. Or learning a free skill online. Take the time, and work on your project a little each day. You never know, if you make enough moves forward with it, you might find yourself in a new business, built on the back of your hobby.

Life. It’s hard. There are no respawns, no checkpoints, no quicksaves (for non-gamers, these terms basically mean there are no do-overs). If you mess up, that’s a mark you’ll have on your personal history, forever. Sounds harsher than it really is. Or rather, than it can be. 

If you kill someone, that’s going to affect you on a much longer and more intense scale than if you forget to take out the rubbish one night. Between those two extremes is an insane margin for ‘things you fuck up in life’, so maybe the game is about right—life is harsher the greater your fuck ups. I also think that life is gets harder the worse your attitude is, the less generous you are, and probably a thousand other metrics that we rarely (if ever) think of. 

Maybe that thought sends you into an hysterical panic attack. If so, follow the logic:

What is the problem? Taking risks in life (also known as living) is terrifying because I could make all these mistakes.

Clarify the problem. I’m afraid to fail/can’t afford to fail.

Can you affect the outcome? Determine what you can do to change the risk of you ‘failing’. If there are things you can do, then stop wasting time fretting. Do them. If there’s nothing you can do…well then, stop wasting time fretting.

Giving up control is hard, but only if you believe you’re in control. When you realise you control only your response to what comes up in life, its easier to not hit the panic button so often.

The only bad option here is to allow your fear to freeze you. That’s slow suicide. 

You’re probably thinking, “Goddamn, the title of this article has Dreams and Happiness in it, what’s with all this heavy shit?” 

Well it’s relevant because without the determination to go beyond Fear, you can’t make your dreams a reality, and realising your dreams is one of the greatest happinesses you can feel on planet Earth. 

Let me paint you a picture. I live with my wife, our seven-month-old girl, and our two- year-old german shepherd, in a 40m2 tiny home we call Tinman. It’s cosy. We’re personally building it even as we’re living in it. My lady is an artist, quite successfully. I’m a writer, and not so successful. Yet. 

We both left high-paying businesses that we built up and became disenchanted with (the parallels of our journeys are a topic of another post that will blow your mind) to pursue worthwhile careers.

The point is, we both love what we do now and while raising a teething baby, looking after our dog, building our Tinman, putting in time on some investments and side hustles, staying active and holistically healthy—around all that, we’re both putting our remaining energy into the work that really matters. We’re determined to realising our dreams, and it’s making us very, very happy.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my life. In fact, raising a child consciously and without compromising on our values would already be the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Building a writing career and becoming financially solvent without losing focus on that goal, only a little less difficult. However, just as fatherhood is extraordinarily rewarding, focusing my time and energy into my passion is all that I can conceive of doing now. 

Its not even the outcome of long and hard work that has me moving forward, though of course that’s fuel for the fire—its the long and hard work every day that brings me all the joy, because its for me before anyone else. I firmly believe that if you don’t feed yourself you’re no good to the family you want to feed. 

This morning I turned down well-paying work trimming horse feet—for cash money. Even though it’s terrible work and I kind of despise it now, part of me still has guilt over turning it down and not fulfilling that ‘provider’ role for my family. But taking that job on would have meant less time working on my real business, less time with the family, less overall energy, and a worse attitude about my life and its direction. Remember what I said about attitude? It has a measurable affect on how difficult life is. 

In conclusion, it has been my experience that chasing dreams has little to do with roads paved with rainbows and ubiquitous joy—the process is ruthlessly hard, especially if you have other responsibilities, and you have to give up a lot of your preconceived notions about what’s actually possible for you to achieve. 

Believing in yourself is great, working to be a better person is worth it, doing the research and learning the skills for that dream life is both fun and valuable. It’s all necessary in fact, but it’s shit without action— without taking risks and failing, without overcoming and evolving—in pursuit of the good stuff: true happiness and fulfilment. 

So get after it! Don’t worry about the small details other people’s opinions and what comforts you won’t be able to afford if you step away from that great paying job you can’t wait to get home from each day. The value in passionate work outweighs many discomforts that come with following the yellow brick road. 

Now, if you’re in survival mode, meaning you have no way of leaving the work you do else you or someone dependent on you will starve or be without home, then take care of the necessities, but also make time each day for something that you love. It may be something as simple as growing a plant. Or learning a free skill online. Take the time, and work on your project a little each day. You never know, if you make enough moves forward with it, you might find yourself in a new business, built on the back of your hobby.