The Deep Reasons to Prioritize Parenting
If you’re a parent, and you’re not exhausted, you’re not putting in the work.
Parenting is the highest responsibility in the world. No matter what kind of earth-breaking job you have—you could be President of the Northern Hemisphere—it will not compare to the upbringing of the succeeding generation. How can it? Whatever work you do in this life will be made obsolete. Perhaps in one lifetime, perhaps in fifty, but obsolete your life’s work will be.
I ponder this sometimes when my ego gets too big—when I start having grandiose ideas about legacy and success. It will all evaporate. And what always remains, is the next generation.
If I’m ever in doubt about my purpose here, I remember that I’m a father, and my purpose becomes clear. It has nothing to do with my greater goals—though consistently achieving my goals is a lesson I wish to pass down—no, my purpose is to mold a positively impactful human being.
I don’t care what my daughter does for a living. I don’t care how she spends her time, or energy. I don’t care who she loves. BUT, I do care that she loves herself, that she has the most time and energy she possibly can, and that whatever work she pursues, she pursues it with dignity, courage, and conviction.
I care that she is joyful and content and has a net positive impact on the Earth (or Mars).
I’m not saying what we do outside of rearing children doesn’t matter. That would be nihilistic. I do believe that if you are a parent, you make it your top priority, because nothing in your life is going to come close to mattering as much as that relationship, let alone that responsibility.
Loving another adult human is easy. Finding true love is hard, but loving is easy. That relationship is simple, and relatively consequence-free—if you’re a piece of shit to your partner, she can just leave you. If you don’t hold up your end of the relationship, she’s going to be alright as an autonomous being.
If you don’t get your shit together for your child, they will grow up with wounds, and many less prospects than if you had just shown up as a healthy, informed adult. There are very close, real-world consequences to not giving it 100% with a dependent.
How you go into parenting; how you raise your child, determines the difficulty they have reaching their potential. It also contributes to the direction of the world as we know it. You never know who you are going to raise, what they will accomplish, what changes they catalyse.
Educating yourself has never been easier with the advent of portable, infinite, free information. Nap-trapped on the couch? Whip out your phone and instead of thumb-fucking Facebook, research how to train your little one in sign language so you can communicate effectively. Maybe learn about Elimination Communication (EC) so you can save on nappies and minimize nasty surprises. Hell, you can order everything you might need (which is at most 1/3 of what you think you want) online and get it delivered to your door. Don’t know what is going to be the best toys to educate your kid? Montessori Learning: go down the rabbit hole. Baby won’t stop crying and curling up? Start with nutrition and get a holistic perspective—here are some free tips; dairy and gluten are hard on everyone’s system, processed baby foods are not food, and sugar = disease.
Side note: Do NOT take western doctors as the sole authority on health, they are constantly contradicting each other, and the world is a vast and intelligent network of information.
If in doubt, use whole foods and make it yourself. Everyone can cook veggies, legumes, meats, and mash ‘em together.
There is no excuse not to be educated. There is no excuse not to be present with someone who’s life depends on you. There’s every reason to be a healthy, rock-solid, conscious parent; the benefits for you alone make it worth it—the inner strength, the motivation, the joy: oh so much pure joy. The benefits for the kid make it dishonorable NOT to step up.
Did this article make you angry? Triggered? Defensive? Guilty?
Good. Sounds like you aren’t doing enough. Use those fears of inadequacy to be better. You’ll only regret the things you didn’t do, the effort you didn’t make, the ways in which you didn’t show up.
A better world rests on the shoulders of our children, but the only work you can do begins and ends with you. Don’t do your best; its too easy to make that an excuse for laziness. Instead, do the highest good, which takes more dedication and consistency, and pays.
If you’re a struggling parent, single parent, in an abusive relationship, or just don’t know where to start, reach out to someone who looks like they have it together. Reach out to 10 someones, and confide in friends and family. If you’re not holding it together, it becomes almost impossible to hold it together for your little ones.
There are helplines and agencies around the world that work to assist victims of abuse. If you’re not sure if you’re being abused, see a professional psychologist and have an honest dialogue about your partner. This goes for men as well as women. Simply Googling “signs and symptoms of abusive behaviour” should get you started. Or, check out @the.holistic.psychologist (no affiliation) and check in.
If you’re not sure (about anything), you should look into it. Your life is too short to be in the dark about it.